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Today‘s essay is all about love and travelling. The romantic kind, the platonic kind. The connections you instantly know will last for a lifetime and the brief, but often just as deep, encounters with another wandering soul. I‘ve been reflecting on my own love life and recurring patterns lately. Welcome to the amazing (& confusing) world of feelings and emotions. In my teenage years, I‘ve never really had crushes. Okay, there was that one boy in high school whom I kinda liked. I used to describe him when someone asked me about „my type“, but deep down I was never really into him romantically. I kissed a couple of guys on nights out but never felt that „spark“ with any of them. We could get into the reason for my repressed sexual desires, which would probably lead to some trauma from bullying or the fact that I was at the time still figuring out my sexuality.

But let’s fast-forward to my „romantic awakening“ and falling in love while travelling: As soon as I left for my big solo trip through Latin America, all of my reservations around sex and love vanished. I don‘t know if it was thanks to the Latino culture, the exciting reality of being somewhere, where no one knew me, or simply being around like-minded people. It was probably a mix of all three. The only thing I know for sure: there is a pattern of only allowing myself to feel something for another person when I am abroad and there is a time limit for the possible relationship. Another recurring theme for me is catching feelings for people who grew up in a very different world than what I am used to. I can probably accredit that to the thrill that comes with learning about different cultures and ways of living. But especially in queer dating, this boasts a whole lot of potential drama and heartache.

Both patterns are bound to hurt at least one of the people involved sooner or later. Be it falling in love with a fellow traveller, and then one has to return to their job or studies back home, while the other is continuing their own journey. Of course this scenario may still work out if both are commited to making it work and continue to make efforts to spend time together. But then there is still the chance that someone you click with while abroad turns out to be a completely different person when you meet them in their home environment. Or maybe you are travelling and fall in love with a local in a destination, but soon learn that the cultural differences are too big to bridge the gap.

Finally, while being abroad, in this parallel universe of travelling and living your best life, it‘s very easy to forget about societal norms and expectations. For this moment, whoever you‘re with is just a wandering soul like you and there is nothing separating you. Then comes the time you call your friends or family back home and excitedly tell them about the person you just met. And the bubble bursts. You realize (or are told) that there are soo many reasons why this will never work out. At least for me, this has more often than not been the moment I backed out and gave up to protect myself from further heartache.

Of course, there are always stories you hear about couples who met on a long backpacking trip and end up getting married. But these are usually the exception. Nevertheless, there are these incredible moments you share with virtual strangers in some of the most beautiful places our planet has to offer. Like smoking on a rooftop after a private pub crawl and a kiss in a colourful street of a colonial town in Mexico, roaming the streets of Porto at night with a Tinder-Match, a chance encounter in Ecuador which leads to an adventurous honeymoon-style vacation in Kyushu, a perfect beach day in Sicily, or an almost-kiss with a beautiful girl in Dubai. These are the moments I will never forget, and I strive to experience many more like them.

To conclude this little self-therapy session: I still want to be moving forward with the goal of living in the moment. Working on being bold (when in a safe environment), and putting myself first. And most importantly: not listening to others’ opinions and comparing my experiences with theirs.